I can't stop thinking about tonight!

I am going out to dinner tonight with a couple of good friends. I am excited. I hate to admit it but I think I am more excited about the food than I am about going out!

I've given myself a 'free pass' to eat anything from the menu, rather than eat only a chicken salad or something. The only problem is that all day yesterday and today I am day dreaming about what I am going to order! I am thinking a nice carb loaded pasta would be great - and then I think a huge steak with a garden salad.

Now I am wondering was it such a good idea to let myself have this free pass. Man thinks it isn't. He thinks that I am on a diet so I should order something like a salad with no dressing and some grilled fish. He is probably right but for some reason I feel that a diet should be a part of my life. I simply don't want to life the rest of my life missing out on all the good food! Is this the fat girl talking I wonder? I really think that if this diet is my new lifestyle then I should be able to have the occasional over indulge.

Realistically - I get to go out to dinner with friends probably every 3-4 months or so. So Its not like its a weekly thing. I think I just need to set frim rules when I am allowed to go outside of my lifestyle!

I wonder what they could be?
- Dinner with friends - Yes
- My birthday - Yes
- Christmas and Easter - Yes

So thats probably 6 times a year when I can eat anything. Now I have to wonder about Man's birthday and all of the Boys birthdays. Thats at least 5 more times a year.

So is 12 days a year too much... I think it could be - I mean that could almost be once a month!

I wonder why I have to have rules anyway? I guess I just want to do this right. I just want to succed and I am analysing what has gone wrong in the past and trying to mix things up a bit. I am afraid that if I do allow myself these 12 days off during the year that they will become high risk days for falling off the wagon.

I think maybe I need to access each free day as it comes. Lets see how I handle myself tonight at dinner. The fat girl has already wispered in my ear that I should take advantage of it and have some chocolate mud cake but the skinny girl thinks that is just being greedy.