I Can Jump!

I realised this week that I still don't have an accurate picture in my mind of what I look like. I thought the body image generated at Curves was fairly accurate – yet I knew there was some 'kindness' to the image, particularly around the face and neck.

Last night I decided it was time to get to know my body and spend some quality one-on-one time with myself... in front of a mirror... totally in the buff! I haven't looked at myself like this in years, in fact, now that I think about it, I haven't had a full length mirror in in my house in over 10 years. I avoid looking in the mirror and when I do, it is never with such a critical eye. I usually have a quick glance before I leave the house to make sure I look okay and in the process I some how block out my size.

I can't see that I have lost 11kgs. In fact the longer I look at myself I start to wonder if I have lost any weight at all. I found myself questioning if somehow the scales were wrong, that maybe I wasn't 150.3kgs? Maybe, I have always been 139.3 kgs and some how I got confused? Wow I am big. I am trying to imagine 11 more kgs on me and can't imagine that I was bigger than I am now, only a mere 6 weeks ago.

Although I can't see a difference, I can definitely feel the difference. Six weeks ago I was using the last row of hooks on my bra, this morning I had to use the 1st row (the smallest setting). I have noticed that I can hang my arms closer to my body. I can actually touch my chin to my chest and I am pretty sure that I can stand with my feet closer together. For the 1st time in a long time I can stand on one leg, with the other leg bent up at the knee and held behind my bottom with 1 hand.

Now that I know I can feel changes, I look harder in the mirror. I think I can see a change in my tummy, I am sure it isn't hanging down as much. I get dressed and as I am leaving the bathroom suddenly I have a thought. “Can I JUMP?” I ask myself, and before I know it I am jumping on the spot! I actually got both feet into the air. I recall watching The Biggest Loser earlier in the year (or possibly even last year) and one of the female contestants was too afraid to jump onto a small platform. She was crying and genuinely scared that she couldn't jump. I recall that at the time I felt her pain. I knew if that was me, I too would be crying and scared to jump. The thing is I have realised I can jump. My body still seems capable of doing things.

I made a brave decision tonight. I have decided it will be highly beneficial to me to take regular photos of myself. Tonight, with Man's help I have taken 3 photographs. I am sitting here looking at the 3 photographs and I think I am finally starting to not feel shocked at what I see. My face does look different to how it looks in my mind, especially my neck and chins. My shoulders are a lot wider than I thought they were and I can see that I stand with a tilt. I have mild scoliosis (a curve in the spine) that was picked up during standard screening in year eight. I seems very obvious to me and I am now wondering if I need to work on my posture.
 

This photograph shows me holding #4, who weighs exactly 11kgs (the total I have lost).  Its hard to imagine where all of that weight was sitting on me.

 

 

 

I think I know know exactly what I look like!