Saturday, June 5, 2010

Food Tension

I’ve realised that it’s just not Fat Girl that suggests that I eat.

Today I experienced some sort of ‘food tension’. It was like an irritating annoying feeling, and the best way I can describe it is like sexual tension! It makes me think that maybe Fat Girl suggests I eat for different reasons than the food tension I felt today. All day today I just thought about food and it did make me feel irritated – like I just wanted to scoff something down to take the tension away.

I am wondering what is causing this feeling? It’s not emotional or boredom or stress related like Fat Girls suggestions seem to be related to... it feels like it’s a chemical issue. It has me wondering if it is soon to be my time of the month maybe? Maybe my body has realised it is in ‘starvation’ mode and it is crying out to be fed? It also feels different to the feelings I get from eating carbs... Fat Girl always wants more carbs the day after.

Because I don’t understand this tension I really don’t know how to prevent it. I fought it with all my might today. I do wonder if it is like a withdrawal mechanism and if I can muster the strength to push through I can beat it. Right now I feel like if this tension doesn’t go away in a day or so, I just might crumble.

I had a great day today. I got up early and went for a big walk will all of my boys this morning. On the way home we stopped at the park for a play. When we did eventually get home I cooked them some pancakes and managed to avoid eating any! I felt a sense of pride about cooking for others. I have realised it is a different feeling to cooking something I am going to eat as well. I can say that it was just as satisfying being in the kitchen cooking pancakes for my boys as it would be to eat them.

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