Sunday, May 23, 2010

Last night was great!

Well it was so great to catch up with my girlfriends! We had dinner and when the resturant started to turn off the lights we had to go to a bar down the road to continue our conversation!

I ordered a DELICIOUS pasta! It was a a creamy pasta with prawns. I really enjoyed it. Obviously there isn't anything in the CK food lists but I have used subsitutes just to get an idea of how out of my range my Carbs, cals and fat was! I made the decision not to blow out completely by drinking Coke or any other softdrink. I actually gave up caffine earlier in the year so I knew that if I even had a Diet Coke it would keep me up too late anyway - so I was happy with water. I did have a Hot Chocolate after dinner and I just realised I need to add that to my food diary.

We ended up chatting until close to midnight! Man kindly let me sleep in the morning and took care of all the boys for me. Its just after 11am and I've had my 'breakfast'. I did wake up starving and I guess that is because I over ate last night. Since its so close to lunch time I decided to have a shake and 100g of low fat ham - and this means I will skip morning tea.

I also realised just how much food like pasta can give people wind!!! All I can say is at the end of the night I was thankfull to be in the privacy of my own car for the drive home!!!:$

This weekend is going to be a challenge. 2 of the boys have footy tomorrow - early in the morning. I usually end up getting a hot chocolate and a pie or hot dog to watch the game with. I am going to have to put my thinking cap on to work out how to avoid this. I wonder If I can take one of my Tony Ferguson Soups in a flask or maybe I could go for a walk to Coles and check out their hot chocolate drinks. Surley there must be some sort of diet one I can take in the flask.

Man is at footy today. He is the assistant coach and is away for a couple of hours. Today he took #2 boy with him and left me at home with #1, #3 & #4 boy. #1 Boy has a birthday party to go to soon.

During the week I use brown bread for the kids lunches, but on the weekend we get the white bread. White bread is a huge temptation of mine...

Fat girl is still wispering crazy ideas into my ear. Last night she tried to convince me that it would be a good idea to get a McDonalds sunday on the way home! And today I am expecting her to try to talk me in to the white bread. Thankfully Skinny girl is strong at the moment....


So it seems that I can only add 1 blog a day.

I have resisted all of the crazy suggestions in my ear from Fat Girl! She has tried to tempt me even with Coles Chocolate Cookies!

I thought I might introduce you to Fat Girl and Skinny Girl.

Meet Fat Girl - She isn't a happy person at all. She has wild food suggestions and tries to sobbatage every good thing that Skinny Girl tells me to do. Fat Girl is afraid of life, it's like she wants me to be like her. I am pretty sure I can blame most of my phobias on her - like flying.

Skinny Girl on the other hand misses life. She has whats best for me in her heart. She remembers a time when I loved to go to the beach and be active - and even play sport.

Im not really sure when Fat Girl started getting her own way. I know that I started to gain weight after my 18th birthday. I don't think she even caused my weight gain. I am pretty sure it was related to having PCOS and coming off the Pill and moving in with Man. He was a young, strapping 22 year old who played footy on the weekends and trained 3 times a week. We ate together. His family home also contained many foods that were not in my family home. There was a never ending supply of Arnotts Cream Assorted biscuits in the cupboard and unlimited softdrink in the fridge. They only ever ate white bread and cooked things like snitzel and chips weekly.

I find it interesting that my body image over the years hasn't really changed too much. When I look at a photograph I am horrified that I look much bigger than I think I am. This is exactly how I felt when I looked at photos of myself when I was 18 - only difference is then I was a size 10, now I am a size 26.

Right now I am looking of a photograph taken of Man and I at the zoo. I must be about 19 in the photo and I am wearing a size 10 dress that was getting too tight for me so I wore a jumper over it. I remember seeing this photo and feeling sick at what I looked like. Now as I look at the photo I wish I could look like that again. I want to reach through the photo and slap myself!

It seems to me that losing weight is easy - its the voices and constant decisions to listen to Skinny Girl that is going to be hard. I am now realising that this isn't really a physical journey - even thought the results will be physical. This is a mental journey!

I have invested money on my diet plan (Tony Ferguson Membership) and I will be investing money into a gym member ship... but I am wondering since this is such a mental journery - should I need to be investing money into some help on that aspect also?

I seems that the bigger I get the louder Fat Girls voices have become, and the more decisions she makes in my life. I guess she thinks she has won because right now I am that Fat girl.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...