Thursday, May 27, 2010

Oh I love Playgroup!

Last night I forgot to share an important bit of information.

When I got home from my weigh in, I raced to the computer - took my Tony Ferguson weight card out of my purse and entered my weight. I then left my card on the computer desk.

Not long afterwards, Man sat down to do some quotes and he accidently saw my card and my weight. I burst into tears. I really didn't want him to know that 2 weeks ago I was 150kgs. I had a big cry and he gave me a big cuddle and said he is so proud of me and my attitude, and all that other soppy stuff. Awwww!

I do feel somewhat happier know that he knows. This morning I was lighter again and I was about to call out to him and tell him my whole number. I think this all comes back to acknowledging my weight and moving on. If I am in so much denial about it that I don't want to tell Man - then what hope have I got? Really?

It is also this reasoning that I have decided to share a public blog with some 'friends'. They aren't real life friends but they are a collection of women who are crazy about prams - like me! Yes, you read that right - prams! I am still not ready to share my journey with real life friends or family - but I think this is a good step in the right direction.

Now about those prams...

I use prams to hide behind. They are my security. I feel that an expensive pram covers me and makes me look more acceptable in public, that maybe people won’t notice my size, rather they will notice my pram. The crazy thing is that the normal person on the street isn't interested in prams - so they probably are noticing me. I can't walk without my pram. I feel all weird, like I don't know what to do with my hands. When we are out in public Man knows that I am the one that pushes the pram - not him.

I guess now you are wondering why I love playgroup? I love playgroup because after playgroup Ben and Luke Sleep for 2-3 hours. Usually I would have a nap with them but I am trying very hard to give up day sleeps. Day sleeping affects my ability to keep my house clean or even have time out. I always feel better if I don't sleep because I've had a break from the kids.

I’m doing well food wise today. On the way home from Playgroup I got the boys a MacDonald’s Happy Meal. I had 1 chip from Ben and all I could taste was OIL! It was not nice to eat and I think I am at that point where I can finally taste oil in food.

1 comment:

  1. I am so with you on the oil. Its like you can enjoy the fast food in the moment, but not long after it just feels all yuck!


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