What Motivates Me?

I am following the CK Uni classes properly and in week do there is a section about what motivates me. It says "Take a few minutes to think about what is really important to you in each of these areas." So I thought this would make an excellent blog entry.

So - What Motivates Me?
Health -
Health is a motivating factor for me. At the moment I am healthy. My blood pressure is within normal range, in fact when Drs. take my blood pressure they are often surprised to find that its 120/70 and always re-do it. I don't have diabetes and my cholesterol is within the normal range also. Fat Girl has always used this information against me, claiming that I am just fat and healthy so there is no need to go on a diet. The simple truth is that I am a ticking time bomb. I guess at any given time my numbers can change.

I do know that being over-weight I am at a higher risk for cancers. I recently had a breast cancer scare (and still need to get it looked at again soon) and this process showed me that my body size can actually prevent the diagnosis of such diseases correctly. When I was pregnant it was difficult for the Drs to do ultrasounds to establish the health of my baby because of my weight.

I guess it also isn’t all about the major stuff. It’s the little things I am suffering from – like fungal skin infections under my breasts, the pressure on my joints etc.

Appearance
I am sick of being ugly. I do have a beautiful face, but my face looks all squashed. Man is a good looking man and I feel sad for him when we are together. I feel like he deserves to look at a better looking woman. I know this sounds bad, but people also seem to think that fat people are stupid and dirty. I don’t want people to make judgments based on my current looks! I want to be able to walk into Rebel Sport and buy a nice Nike Hoodie. I want to be able to wear nice jeans.

Energy
I want to lose weight so I can have increased energy – I am sick of feeling tired all of the time. I want to have more fun with my 4 boys. I hate feeling tired after a photo shoot. I want to participate in things like the Mothers Day Classic walks and even go for family bike rides.

Career
My photography is affected by my weight because I find it hard following kids around during photo shoots. I find it hard to bend down and get into interesting camera angle positions. I am also studying at the moment and looking into becoming a Midwife. There are physical requirements for this and I must be fit and healthy to be a good midwife.

So basically they are my current motivating factors. I guess I should review them often.

Anyway – back to daily business.
I realised today that maybe my free ticket on Friday night wasn’t worth it. I found that it seemed to give Fat Girl a louder voice. I really struggled on Saturday and Sunday with constant voices – more than usual. I think because I had such a bid hit of Carbs – I just wanted more. It seems that occasionally eating a huge amount of carbs does put me at risk of a carb binge.

This morning I took #1 to his footy game and had #3 with me and Man took #2 to his footy game and had #4 with him. #3 is only 2.5 and gets easily bored so I happily bought him some lollies and a packet of chips. I resisted them – but I did give in the Fat Girl’s Suggestion of 4 Dim Sims. I ate them and they did taste great and as soon as I finished I used my mobile phone to log into CK and add them to my diary. They were much higher in Carbs than I imagined and I was pretty shocked.

Saturday night was a hard night because #4 was unwell and woke up a number of times over the night. I think in total I had about 3 hours sleep. When we all arrived home from footy I had a nap. The only problem is that no one woke me! I slept for 5 hours! I guess I must have needed the sleep and in a way I was happy because I missed Lunch so my 4 Dim Sims didn’t make such an impact. I had some low fat ham when I woke up and took the boys for a walk to give Man some quite time to watch the footy.

Anyway – I am still undecided about the rules I made up about when I can have a free pass. Honestly It took so much strength to get through Saturday without binging and today I caved and had the dim sims. Was the enjoyment of the pasta really worth the mental anguish, fat carbs and calories? I am starting to think it wasn’t worth it.